Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Taking arms against a sea of troubles?

A shocking new development in the efforts to contain the localized insurgent activity: a surrender!

The initial attack ("Insurgent activity in the front yard" Feb 3) was so brazen as to require my counterattack employing the tactical application of chemical weapons ("Everything is under controk" Feb 4.) This action appeared to drive the evildoer underground. Well, it was already underground, but you know what I mean. There was no sign of trouble for several days. Then, it's back. Fresh tracks. Game on. While I was preparing plans for a new assault on the entrenched position, a few days of heavy rain developed. At 0700 hours the morning after the storm, the Adjutant Commander of the domicile reported there was suspicious activity in the swimming pool. Upon investigation, it became apparent that one of the fanatics had succumbed. Delayed effects of the earlier gas attack? Suicide due to the stress of my relentless pursuit? Or perhaps too many margaritas and a nasty slip and fall next to the pool? Whatever the cause, our long nightmare has ended - at least for now. Remember, the price of a nice lawn is eternal vigilance.Crikey, looks at the razor-sharp claws on this monster! He'd rip out your windpipe in a heartbeat! Of course, you'd have to hold him up to your neck. And he is only about 5 inches long. But don't turn your back on him!

4 comments:

Scott said...

Animal Planet's Most Extreme frequently features the mole. It's digging abilities are unsurpassed. And it eats a TON of insects every day. Lucky you didn't get in its way or we would have been reading about you in the morning paper.

P.S. I think William Shatner's wife died the same way.

Kevin said...

More than words, the photo brings home the horror of these creatures.

They have been known to parachute in, you know.

hillbilly deluxe said...

"I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think."

Doris said...

I think I know that guy!


And....I do believe he's quite prolific with many, many offspring. Stay vigilant!