Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Today's Top Headlines Explained

Apple 1984 ad mashup markets Barack Obama, not Macs

This headline means: Hilary Clinton is clean and articulate, but she will have a devil of time getting the Democratic nomination.

Forever stamp will absorb rate hikes

This headline means: The name of the stamp describes the amount of time US Mail takes to reach its destination. That one was too easy.

Human Skull, Bones Found in Chicago Golf Club Fairway

This headline means: You're playing the round of your life, totally in a groove, and you come up on a foursome of doofusses playing slow. At first you try to keep your patience, but soon you realize the delay has broken your rhythm and your great score is ballooning. When one of the slow-playing nimrods stops in the middle of the fairway to answer his cell phone, you kill him with your 3-iron, a club you don't use that much so a little bend in the shaft is not a major problem, and hastily bury him in a large divot. It's the kind of thing that happens to all of us now and then. Just part of the game.

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