Friday, March 30, 2007

Exciting New Breakthrough on Weight Loss! Magic Formula Found! Ounces melt away!

Like the majority of Americans, I am overweight, and that's been the story for most of my life. I've never been over 225, but since I probably ought to come in at 190 max, that's overweight by quite a bit. I have always been conscious of it, too, from the day Mel Campbell punched me in the gut and called me fatty. We were about 5 years old when this disturbing incident occured out by the raspberry bush in the sideyard. My snappy comeback was "I'd rather be fat than skinny like you," which, of course, was a lie.

As I've gotten older and my metabolism has slowed, stopped, and gone into reverse, the ability to drop 10 pounds in no time has disappeared. So you can imagine my delight in discovering the secret to weight loss. Ready? Here it is:

  • Stop eating and drinking 75% of the things you normally eat and drink.

Yes, it's that simple! My spousal unit and I have been on what is called the "Daniel Fast," which is not really a fast since you are eating plenty of food, and since I have not explored the spiritual side, I am not clear on the Daniel part, but you can Google it and get all the details. In a nutshell, for 21 days you stop eating white flour, white rice, sugar, all meat, anything fried or high fat, and stop drinking alcohol. No caffeine, either. I know, what's left to eat? What's the point in living without all the good stuff? All I know is we have both lost a little weight in the last 10 days, and without any exercise since we've both had a cold/flu/hoof-and-mouth thing the whole time. If we were going to the gym and eating this way, the results would be more rapid for sure.

So there you have it. Go nuts with the fruits, vegetables and - nuts. Potatoes ok. Brown rice and beans, but no pasta, ok? Oatmeal. Salad. Drink water. If you don't feel better in several ways after 10 days, I'll give you double your money back.

Could I keep it up every day forever? Doubtful. But if I ate these 25% of things 75% of the time, and ate the other 75% of things 25% of the time, I could eventually be as trim as Mel Campbell.
Maybe now I can make some progress on getting back to my original weight - 8 lbs. 9 oz.

Wish me luck.

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