Friday, May 11, 2007

Punched, stunned and tasted

Three items of Stupid News for you here.

Number one:
Fight breaks out at Boston Pops concert

BOSTON, Massachusetts (AP) -- Concert-goers, and even Boston Pops conductor Keith Lockhart, were caught off-guard when a fight broke out on opening night at usually sedate Symphony Hall.

Television video of the fight Wednesday night showed two men struggling in the balcony -- one with his shirt pulled off -- as several people stood around them.
Top possibilities of what got them started.
1. Insulting remark about how all of John William's movie themes sound the same.
2. Disagreement over whether Barry Manilow was better than Billy Joel.
3. Noisy candy wrappers.
4. Dodger fan in the Giants section.
5. Misheard reference to Yo-Yo Ma thought to be a comment on "yo mama."

Number two:
The tampon taser/stun gun is the latest in portable and personal security systems. The beauty of this taser/stun gun, aptly named The Pink Stinger, is its ingenious design and ability to be concealed nicely and unassumingly into any purse for ultimate stealth. The taser's gentle glide zapplicator easily fits in the palm of your hand for incredible comfort and protection and ready for honorable discharge at a moments notice. In addition, its fresh floral scent helps eliminate the smell of fear, not just cover it up.

I wish I was clever enough to have made this up, but it's for real. I think.

Number three:

Thanks to the Big Man from Texas for this one, dubbed the "best sports headline of late."

Royals to Get a Taste of Angels' Colon

For those not baseball fans, Colon is a pitchers' name, so this is not a reference to the actual... well, you know. Baseball players like to slap each other on the butt, but it rarely goes beyond that. I think.

No comments: