Monday, April 9, 2007

Circus peanuts - Why? Why? Why?

You would think that the fat kid would have liked every kind of candy, but it just wasn't true. And it seemed like there was a mandate that the Easter basket was filled with weird stuff, candy I never saw the other 364 days of the year. Peeps, for example. "What the &%#$ are Peeps?" I would ask myself, pawing through the polyester grass. Being willing to experiment, I took a bite of one of the Peeps, and learned that it is a candy product that is made of colored sugar and marshmallow and, after they are manufactured, placed in a drafty warehouse for 19 months to ensure they are fully stale before making their way to my Easter basket.

Even with the the dismay that is the Peep clinging to the roof of my mouth, I was still able to shape words of horror at the sight of an even more appalling candy - Circus Peanuts. So atrocious as to have been included in the list of the worst at bad-candy.com. What torture is the Circus Peanut! From it's abhorrent shape and color, to its pasty, gritty chewiness, it is clearly the candy of Satan.

Why would the fat kid be subjected to these frightening mutant sweets? I had heard no news of a Baby Ruth shortage, a rationing of Snickers, or production problems at the Butterfinger factory. Why was the Easter basket devoid of the staples? This crisis, combined with ceaseless letdown of searching all over the yard for a bunch of hard boiled eggs, which just yesterday had been much easier to find in the refrigerator, led me to an unavoidable conclusion:

Easter Bunny, you are no friend of mine.

2 comments:

your daughter said...

you watch yourself, now.
that easter bunny is a reliable friend of mine.

Barry Martin said...

Guess you never got any fricking circus peanuts in your basket, did you now. Huh, did you? I think not.