I would like to make the case today that reality is overrated.
"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."'You don't know shit, and you're not shit. Don't take that the wrong way, that was meant to cheer you up.""Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you.""Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants."
"I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.""He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.""I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.""I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday."