Thursday, May 6, 2010

Because life is short and it's important to rack up many achievements, here are some amusing time wasters so you can blow off an hour

I would like to make the case today that reality is overrated.

Reality is chock-a-block with disease, famine, genocide and infomercials. Reality imposes onerous taxation and rules and foisted Geraldo Rivera on the world. Reality has none of the redeeming qualities we seek out in our entertainments - try hard and success will come to you, the triumph of good over evil, true love always wins, bad guys get what they deserve, etc. In fact, reality likes to get right up in your face and make sure you're aware that the sleazy people usually win and have all the money, true love is irrelevant in the face of expediency, and trying hard and success are complete strangers. So in summation, reality can suck it.

Counterpoint: reality, and the real people that cause it, can be damn funny. I offer as evidence two recent additions to the menu of amusing time wasters of which I am an aficionado.

Shit My Dad Says is the brainchild of Justin Halpern, a guy from San Diego who started keeping track of the pointed, hilarious things his 73-year-old father says. He started with Twitter, he's on Facebook, and scored a book deal and a development deal from CBS. Here are some samples:

"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."

'You don't know shit, and you're not shit. Don't take that the wrong way, that was meant to cheer you up."

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."

"Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants."

How could you not love this guy? Sadly, I know this will soon be a sitcom and it will then be ruined forever.

Texts from Last Night is a website/Facebook/everything phenomenon that also resulted in a book deal. It is just what it sounds like it is - people's texts that have been submitted. Samples:

"I hated hipsters before it was mainstream."

"He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy."

"I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about."

"I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday."

That's all I have time for now. I have to work on the pitch for my new book, which will be a compilation of stories of other people's book deals.

1 comment:

Bel Stella / Bella Carrara said...

You forgot Another amazing time waister, chock-full of reality. You're welcome.