Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Second thoughts on online dating

I've made a couple hundred posts on this blog since I started it, and I think the post about online dating got the most reaction. Did I hit a nerve there? Was I the most honest at that moment 6 months ago, and as a result sparked a lot of replies? Yeah, I think so.

Since then I had a few dates that originated from one of the popular online sites, and I did my share of cruising around the lake casting my bait to see who I might catch. Can't say that I landed any keepers, but it was - interesting. And like a lot of other people I've talked to, eventually you realize you're seeing the same faces on the screen and you're thinking "is she still on here? Must be something really wrong with her" and it's likely they're seeing you the same way - "is that guy still on here? Must be something really wrong with him!" - and so the whole thing stops being interesting real quick, and then it feels kind of desperate and sad and unhealthy, and so you cancel.

Along the way you meet a few people who seem really incredible but, like Seinfeld, you soon discover they have some kind of trait or behavior that turns on the stoplight, and you toss them aside and start trolling again, and you remind yourself that "there are a lot of hopeless losers on these online dating sites" and try to still the voice in your head that says you are one of them.

Along the way you start figuring out that maybe it's not so horrible to spend some time with yourself, and maybe you don't have to be with someone else to have value, and so what if all your friends are coupled up, and so what if no one invites you to their parties because you've become a fifth wheel, because you can just stay home and pop in a DVD, right? And eat soup from a can, and drink the whole bottle yourself, and -- wait, that's starting to sound desperate and sad and unhealthy again. Well, anyway.

Along the way you think maybe life in the monastery wouldn't be all that bad really, or if you just left your car and clothes on the beach somewhere and disappeared that wouldn't be all that bad really, or if you just stopped trying and stopped caring maybe that wouldn't be all that bad really, and some days it all seems bleak, and you feel like you may never laugh again.

But soft! What light through yonder email breaks? It is the east, and something funny is the sun.

So even though I don't subscribe anymore, I still get these emails from online dating sites I signed up for - and ok, sure, I was drunk when I signed up, I'm sure. What the hell, anyway - mostly I just delete them, but once in awhile I look, and once in awhile I am amazed at what I see. For example:

Here are some actual posts of "profile pictures" on an unnamed site. I have obscured the screen names in hopes I will not be sued, harassed or firebombed as a result of this post. But even so, I must simply ask - WTF??

Person 1 on the left - are you telling the world that (a) you have a cat that's really important in your life, or (b) you actually ARE a cat that has learned to use the internet, or (c) you identify with cats more than people and are on your way to becoming a "cat lady" news story, or (d) bottom line you just really don't want any men to contact you at all so this seems like a good tactic to remain alone? Just asking.

Person 2 in the middle - are you telling the world that (a) you actually are Cruella DeVille, or (b) you wish you were Cruella DeVille (which is way scary) or (c) you actually have no pictures of yourself at all and must result to clip art, or (d) bottom line you just really don't want any men to contact you at all so this seems like a good tactic to remain alone? Just asking once again.

Person 3 on the right - Um...never mind, ok? Just don't hurt me.

Moral of our story: All things considered, being alone really isn't all that bad.


LB said...

Yes! You've made it to the other side.

The strange part for me right now is I've finally found someone to date and have fun with but I'm not sure I want to make room in my life for someone steady because I am so content in being solo or it may be that while he is very nice and pleasant to be with - he just isn't all that! Ugh!

Hillbilly Deluxe said...

Maybe the woman on the left has a really nice pussy and she just wants you to see a photo of it.

Michael Haley said...

This was pretty funny. There is something about being single that is very difficult for people. The more you focus on it the worse it gets.

I went through years of that then all of a sudden out of the blue you meet someone and it is over. Trying and trying doesn't seem to work.

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Anonymous said...

Aren’t husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends really only an accessory in our society? To don the exuding gooey gooiness of L-O-V-E on one’s arm, is it not a sign that you are “healthy” & even “worthy” enough for another? Ooooooh! Gross.
I have been single for now 3 and half years. And this is what I have learned from my short time of being on this planet (and having once been married):
Being single and married should not mean that you have to change your “single” behavior. Let me explain-
Flirting- I have learned that flirting is a harmless and necessary human interaction, whether you are single or married. Married people, especially married women, still want to flirt and be flirted with. It helps one retain self image of, yes, I am still desirable, which, come let’s face it- we all want to be thought of as attractive and desirable no matter which box we check at tax time. It also can turn your partner on to see others fawn of all over you. Another fact to face- it is prideful to be with one others find desirable as well. A plain human fact. It’s what WE DO with the flirting that matters. It takes an unparalleled honesty to achieve this type of trust in a relationship. Very rare. “If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married”- Katherine Hepburn

The “Checking in Rule”- Man, are you serious? Did I just marry Dad? I am not checking in with anyone, but I WILL let you know where I am and when I will be home. And please, don’t wait up.

The 4 Food Groups- If you want to eat soup from a can, in your boxers, with one hand down your crotch- while sobbing like a baby at the end of your favorite movie or whatever, go for it! Just make sure the dishes are done before I get home, (see above for Checking in Rule). There is no reason why, as a wife, I should be expected to cook every meal of every day. You were single and fended for your life somehow before we met, so you can deal with it. I’ll be having chips and salsa in bed while reading my new book. And possibly hot chocolate, too.

Laundry- Um…hell no. I do mine, you do yours. End of story.

Money- You have yours and I have mine. And if by chance we have enough left over to get together- great!

The Grass is NEVER Greener- I guess what I am trying to say is, if we are meant to be like geese and mate for life, if we are meant to have that ONE special person, then that person better be damn special. Because all it takes is trust, communication, and some really hot sex with someone who understands your quirks and misdeeds and still wants to be with you AND NOT CHANGE YOU, then you my friend have found a good the ever elusive ONE.

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