Friday, January 2, 2009

"Taunt a mime in Twenty-oh-Nine!"


Today marks the start of Year Three of this here blog. Over the last 24 months there have been 223 items posted. A number of them fit the category of "not that bad," while others are not worth the paper they were never written on. Overall, the global response to this blog continues to be:

Whoop-dee-frickin'-doo.

Now that we have concluded the annual report, let's move on to today's topic - the New Years Resolutions.

It's important to give pause at the start of each New Year, take stock of oneself, and consider how to move forward to make oneself just a bit better. For example, to avoid using the word "oneself" again for the rest of '09. I'll make that reso #1.

After all, if you make no resolutions at all you are saying "I cannot improve on me. I have reached perfection." Or you are saying "I cannot improve on me. I am the very definition of lame yet I am also hopeless." For those who fall somewhere between these extremes, it's resolution time. So here is my top 10 list of resolutions.

2. Come up with a really good personal slogan for the year. Top contenders:
  • "Feelin' finer in Two Thousand Niner!"
  • "Knock off the cryin' in Two Thousand ni-en!"
  • "Supine in Oh-Nine!"
3. Eat more cheese rind. ("Eat more rind in Twenty-Oh-Nine!")
4. Start every day considering how good it would feel to get in a really strenuous workout. Conduct an internal debate over actually having the workout. Lose the debate and eat some bacon.
5. Give all my friends a new nickname built around their least attractive physical feature and repeat it until they punch me.
6. Whale blubber consumption for the year will be zero.
7. Quit saying I'm going to cut down on drinking.
8. Absolutely no necrophilia!
9. Enact 10% reduction on top 10 lists by always ending them with item 9.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pretty rare that I find something so funny I am crying at my computer. Thanks for the laugh!
Feeling fine in 2009,
Kelli Marchbanks

Anonymous said...

I can't believe the blogger from Napa didn't come up "always online in 2009" or "buckets of wine in 2009!"

That's pretty much my agenda for the year. It feels good to cross that off my to do list ...

Anonymous said...

rohlffmike@att.net 1-11-09

'Murder at HoJo's...
Intermission crackers were
stale.
Ursula Martinez will be
the first to remind ya.
"always have a finish!"